guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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