how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
