this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize