im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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