Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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