Umm I'm too high to move.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Randomize
