i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
