It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
