Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
