I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
