I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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