I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
