this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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