Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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