I hate your face
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
