I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Still dying that you shit outside
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
