Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My ass is underappreciated
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
