Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize