You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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