Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Randomize
