Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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