is your mom at the bar?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
