last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
