So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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