She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
