You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
