is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
