why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
