I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
