Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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