You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
