my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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