i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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