I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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