Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
