I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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