I just pynch a tree in the face
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
