I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
