i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
