considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize