If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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