You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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