I accidentally burped into my bong.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
