Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
