the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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