Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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