I wanna passion pit in your ass
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
