The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
