So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
