A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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