just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize