I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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