So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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