Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
my nose is crying tears of wow.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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