he wants to bone in the snuggie
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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