we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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