Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
