it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
