I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
