Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
