P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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