The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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