Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
