you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
