Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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