woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
jump out the window naked night went bad
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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