every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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