Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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