Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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