Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
