I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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