Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
